Movie Reviews, Ranks & Fantasy Casts: August 2008

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Updates

Added several people to The Korpis: The Movie

Lisa W. (Edited)
Galia
Karla C.
Zach C.
Jessica R.
Zach R.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Updates

Added several people to The Korpis: The Movie

Heather B.
Mark B.
Noah W.
Heather W.

Monday, August 18, 2008

On the Edge (2001)

IMDB: On the Edge (2001)

OVERALL: 87
VISUAL: 82
STORY: 94
ACTING: 84
BETTER THAN: Neverwas
NOT AS GOOD AS: Secretary
WAS MISSING: A cameo by Morrissey.
SEE IT FOR: Proof that Dreamsicles make everything better. Seriously though, this is not for the squeamish or easily depressed. Cillian Murphy's baby blues tell a well-written story that is surrounded, unfortunately, by the mediocrity of the rest of the film.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Feast

IMDB: Feast

OVERALL: 80
VISUAL: 84
STORY: 87
ACTING: 68
BETTER THAN: The Hills Have Eyes II (2007)
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Descent
WAS MISSING: There are so many ways that this is a tongue-and-cheek send up of bad horror-action films that it probably could've thrown in a bit more sex and rock and roll.
SEE IT FOR: With about 10 characters each getting their own G.I. Joe profiles, there's bound to be at least a couple that you are rooting for. For every bad performance, there's somebody with a good one. Allen and Rollins are quite tasty, though you won't want to eat during this Feast. Jason Mewes as Jason Mewes is also something you don't see every day.

Feast Trailer

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Miss Potter

IMDB: Miss Potter

OVERALL: 85
VISUAL: 95
STORY: 89
ACTING: 71
BETTER THAN: Cool World
NOT AS GOOD AS: Finding Neverland
WAS MISSING: A complete bibliography worked into the movie or the DVD extra features, but sadly, it's missing.
SEE IT FOR: Art coming alive. Literally, in the form of Peter Rabbit! While not an amazing story, it's a pretty heartwarming look at a life I knew nothing about. Who needs friends when you have art supplies?

Miss Potter Trailer

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Updates

Added Lindsey, Tabecca, Jody, Andy, Colleen, Amber and Trevor to The Korpi: The Movies cast list

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Batman: Gotham Knight

IMDB: Batman: Gotham Knight

OVERALL: 81
VISUAL: 96
STORY: 68
ACTING: 78
BETTER THAN: The Invincible Iron Man
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Animatrix
WAS MISSING: Longer scenes with the Batman variations at the beginning.
SEE IT FOR: The Deadshot section has an amazing art style to watch Batman running at bullets on a subway. Plus, the Tekkon Kinkreet art style at the beginning displays a demonic butterfly Batman, and an uber-cool vaporizing-into-shadows Batman. Different takes on a classic end in a successful animated experiment.

Eye See You (D-Tox)

IMDB: Eye See You (D-Tox)

OVERALL: 67
VISUAL: 71
STORY: 59
ACTING: 72
BETTER THAN: Wind Chill
NOT AS GOOD AS: Shoot to Kill
WAS MISSING: "I Know What You Did Last Winter" tagline. (What's funny is I wrote that before realizing that it was actually from the director of "I Know What You Did Last Summer" lol)
SEE IT FOR: A pre-T2 Robert Patrick performance that manages to thaw out the rest of the cold and stiff cast. The score would be much higher if you cut out the first half of the movie.

Monday, August 11, 2008

The Bank Job

IMDB: The Bank Job

OVERALL: 90
VISUAL: 94
STORY: 92
ACTING: 85
BETTER THAN: The Italian Job
NOT AS GOOD AS: Heat
WAS MISSING: The Statham flying split kick and a real-life-person-to-actor comparison at the end.
SEE IT FOR: Loads of brilliant British accents, especially on the lady-types, plus a really tense storyline that involves everybody exploiting everybody. The based-on-a-true-story aspect never hurts.

Velvet Goldmine

IMDB: Velvet Goldmine

OVERALL: 88
VISUAL: 81
STORY: 86
ACTING: 96
BETTER THAN: Labyrinth
NOT AS GOOD AS: Trainspotting
WAS MISSING: A reference to Teen Bop or a little bit more spelling out of the plot for those not as informed on Bowie going into it, since it nearly plays out like a documentary.
SEE IT FOR: Three of my favorite actors in Bale, McGregor and Rhys Davies in very fine performances of something that may have otherwise been restricted to a niche crowd.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Top 10 Scariest Clown Movies - Actually, Top 25!
This is not a list of "best" movies, it is a list of the creepiest clown movies or moments. For example, Batman: The Dark Knight may feature the Joker as a clown, as may be one of the best movies listed, but the Joker's not as creepy as the clown in Poltergeist, so this list will reflect just the clown's creepy factor.

SCORE IS THE CREEPY FACTOR (0-100)

Poltergeist - 100: One scene is probably responsible for half the world's therapy sessions. Still to this day, if I'm around clowns, dolls, thunder, lightning... Hell, anything... I cry like a baby. This clown is even scarier before it moves. The anticipation is insanely horrifying.
Pee Wee's Big Adventure - 98: Just when you think the dizzying camera effects and evil laugh make the stolen bike clown scene the worst... you remember that there are also evil nurse clowns running through dark hallways pushing gurneys to some ridiculously tense Elfman music.
It - 96: "We all float down here." Okay, that's all I can say or Stephen King's Pennywise will eat me.
Batman: The Dark Knight - 95: If you have a minute, he'll tell you how his mouthy grin was cut with a razor, and he'll make it seem like it was your fault. A man with no fear is scary indeed, and he has less fear than Batman himself. He even does magic tricks. The fact that he died in real life before the film was released just makes him that much more of a mystery.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space - 94: If I did drugs, I bet my life would feel something like this movie. This is one of the most bizarre trips I've ever been on, from the spinning Big Top spaceship to the rubber-masked alien clowns that shoot popcorn from their mouths. If these guys pull up to my house and get out of a car, I think I'll send myself to that big Grand Prize Game in the sky.
Clownhouse - 93: Sam Rockwell would agree that three escaped mental patients disguised as clowns chasing you through a huge house does NOT equal a fun Friday night.
The Brave Little Toaster - 91: Have you seen this? Probably not... or you don't remember because you blocked it out. Check it out HERE on YouTube and imagine a kid watching this... and we wonder why people grow up afraid of clowns. Yeesh.
Halloween (Rob Zombie's Halloween) - 87: Clown mask off? Happy kid. Clown mask on? Deeply tormented, brooding killer. Knowing this was essentially the key moment in the transformation to the legendary boogeyman helps.
Halloween 4 & 5 - 81: It's all about the holes cut out of the mask and the first-person camera view. How could someone so innocent be so evil? Oh yeah! She's related to Mr. Myers.
Demonic Toys - 80: The cover alone could give you nightmares. I remember walking through the old-school VHS movie rental store and strolling through the horror section as a kid. Man... you take out CGI and you get some really tangible, wicked toys, especially the clown-in-a-box.
Batman (Original) - 78: Jack is far too devilishly funny to be deemed truly evil. Still, it's a great performance that scares the crap out of you if you realize how driven he is.
Clown at Midnight - 73: There's something raw about this film that adds to the eeriness. The low production values and dark boogeyman scenes seem to actually work. Sure, we've seen the whole deal where the camera pans away, pans back and WHAM! there's the clown, but it fits here. Wave goodbye to the clown!
The Devil's Rejects - 70: Normal-enough-looking guy walks up and asks to borrow your car. Oh, except he's painted up like a clown and he's beating you and scaring your children. Yeah, this feels like it could really happen the way it is shot, that makes it creepy.
House of 1,000 Corpses - 67: I think the campy commercial presentation took a lot away from dear ol' Captain Spaulding. I'd be more afraid of him in the sequel.
Dead Clowns - 65: There's something about making clowns actually look scary that takes away from the fear factor. Keep them happy... that's what lets them sneak up on us. If you try to incorporate "Twister" and "Night of the Living Dead"... you just end up missing the mark. Still, people who are into the whole gorefest (I'm not) will get some kicks.
Killjoy 1 & 2 - 60: Creepy only for that cheap, slasher flick kinda scare. It is what it is. Not much more to say except I've only seen pieces of the sequel over the years, so maybe I missed all the really good parts.
Gacy - 52: Take Francis from Pee Wee's Big Adventures and put him in a movie based on the true story of a serial killer with a clown fetish. Yeah, I agree... I would've been far more scared if it wasn't Francis. Oh well.
The Nightmare Before Christmas - 51: The movie itself isn't creepy, but if I was a youngin and I saw The Clown with the Tear-away Face, I probably wouldn't be going to any circuses any time soon.
Rize - 49: This documentary involves a lot of grown men dressed up as clowns and krumping. Grown men violently dancing in clown attire? Please don't send in the clowns.
Shakes the Clown - 41: Bobcat Goldwaith is creepy. He was even creepy in Hot to Trot (maybe it was the Elfman score?)... All I know is if I see a bunch of drunk clowns going mime bashing, I'm gonna call for mommy.
Delicatessen - 40: The clown himself isn't really scary, but the dark mood of the movie and the clown's impending doom lead to, at the very least, an unsettling feeling.
Quick Change - 37: "Nobody likes a whi-ner!" That's probably the last thing you'd here before Bill Murray's criminal clown offs you with his squeaky horn of death. Chip Chipowski is only scary because he acts so anti-clown while in costume. It's just odd.
Akira - 34: The Clowns don't really sound like a tough gang, but when you see them riding their motorcycles of doom you realize they could easily take out the Yancy Street Gang.
Spawn - 31: Lequizamo is the perfect example of somebody trying to be creepy, but overdoing it. Sure, that's probably the point... but for being the right-hand man of Bealzabub himself, I'd like it to be 51% wicked, 49% funny, not the other way around.
Patch Adams - 14: Knowing the outcome of the movie, it's a little unsettling to think of Robin Williams with the clown nose. I don't know why, but it just feels a bit too ghostly for my liking.

There are some movies left off of this list, like S.I.C.K., Fear of Clowns and a few others, but that's for a reason! Even Patch Adams was scarier than they were! With that, I leave you with a YouTube gem. Be afraid... be very afraid!

Halloween (Rob Zombie's Halloween)

IMDB: Halloween (Rob Zombie's Halloween)

OVERALL: 86
VISUAL: 87
STORY: 92
ACTING: 80
BETTER THAN: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
NOT AS GOOD AS: Halloween (John Carpenter's Halloween)
WAS MISSING: A better actor for the young Michael Myers.
SEE IT FOR: The origin of Myers. This provides a great backstory and fresh spin on the franchise. Sheri Moon Zombie outperforms everybody and Danielle Harris (Myers' niece from Halloween 4 and 5) sneaks back into the series as Annie Brackett.

Superhero Movie

IMDB: Superhero Movie

OVERALL: 45
VISUAL: 68
STORY: 12
ACTING: 56
BETTER THAN: The Fantastic Four (1994 Version)
NOT AS GOOD AS: My Super Ex-Girlfriend
WAS MISSING: A "Skip" feature... for the entire movie.
SEE IT FOR: The first couple of Nielsen and McDonald scenes, or if you've misplaced your X-Men movie and the sound and picture don't work on your TV.

Updates

Punch-Drunk Love

IMDB: Punch-Drunk Love

OVERALL: 93
VISUAL: 96
STORY: 94
ACTING: 90
BETTER THAN: Lars and the Real Girl
NOT AS GOOD AS: About a Boy
WAS MISSING: A final scene after the credits of them on an airplane eating pudding.
SEE IT FOR: Judgmental and insulting sisters. Hilarious customer service calls. The happy side of off-centered folk. Pretty artwork.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le pacte des loups)

IMDB: Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le pacte des loups)

OVERALL: 93
VISUAL: 95
STORY: 94
ACTING: 90
BETTER THAN: Dancing with Wolves
NOT AS GOOD AS: Babe
WAS MISSING: An even creepier score.
SEE IT FOR: Fighting in the rain, vengeance personified and one of the best movie monsters ever.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Top 10 Best Volleyball Movies

Volleyball, or volleyball related!
This is tough because there haven't been many, but as a huge volleyball fan, I've seen a lot of good and bad movies. Maybe they're not cinematic classics, but you have to give them credit for the subject matter! Plus, I'm eagerly waiting to find out where "Green Flash" ranks on the list! It's the new volleyball movie with Kristin Cavallari and a ridiculous amount of volleyball and sports cameos!

Iron Ladies (Satree Iek) - The best volleyball movie I've ever seen, Iron Ladies is nearly a documentary. Close-minded audiences would disagree, but you can't help but feel bad for the obstacles this cross-gendered team faced. Not only is it based on a true story, but you get to see footage of the real Iron Ladies at the end of the movie.
Top Gun - There's nothing like a scene of slow-motion, sweaty beach volleyball, especially if you are a fan of hunky fighter pilots. If you're not a fan of that, you will be able to appreciate it for the over-the-top humor factor. Good movie. Famous scene.
Meet the Parents - While this has the smallest volleyball connection of every movie on this list, there is an extremely memorable scene of water volleyball that illicits more "Way to go, Facher" quotes thank you can break a nose with.
Cast Away - "Volleyball" wouldn't be tops on my "Name one thing you'd bring to a deserted island" list, but Wilson proved to be an admiarable source of companionship. It's not as fun to watch as Olympics Beach Volleyball with May-Treanor and Walsh, but it's worth watching between matches.
DOA: Dead or Alive - Not as fun as the DOA: Xtreme Beach Volleyball game, but still provides enough entertainment value if you go into it expecting a cheesy videogame movie. The volleyball is, at best, a silly reference to a guilty pleasure videogame.
Side Out - This was the reigning king of volleyball movies for quite a while, and if you're in the mood for 80s schtick, this moves back to the top, but it sadly hasn't stood the test of time as Howell and company feel a bit played out these days. Still, a classic.
Impact Point - This movie starts out with so much promise. It begins with the sexy athleticism you expect from the sand game, along with quasi-believable beach volleyball action, but it gets worse and worse as it progresses. If it had only been a revisioned remake of Side Out, instead of some awful murder mystery, it could have been a lot more fun with the decent production values.
All You've Got - I'm a sucker for this kind of movie. Think "Bring it On" meets "Stick It" and you have your cookie cutter teen sports dramedy. If it were more original, it'd be higher, but it's certainly a fun watch.
Air Bud: Spikes Back - I'm also a sucker for puppies, so this has to be on the list. Grab your kids or nephews and nieces and use them as an excuse to watch this predictable family flick. I wish my dogs could do that.
Cloud 9 - If there were more volleyball movies out there, this probably wouldn't make the list, and you should only watch Cloud 9 if you are a diehard volleyball fan. Despite Reece, Everheart and Reynolds (um, despite?), this is worthless unless you like pathetic drunks cooking up schemes from their trailer home. Still, you occasionally get some beach volleyball.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Thundercats - FANTASY CAST

If I were in control of casting the new live-action Thundercats movie, here is who I would get to play the parts! I'm skewing a bit older because the real G.I. Joe movie is going so young, I don't want Thundercats to do the same! It will have a family-fun adventure style similar to that of the Banderas Zorro franchise.

Jason Statham as Lion-O