WAS MISSING: There are so many ways that this is a tongue-and-cheek send up of bad horror-action films that it probably could've thrown in a bit more sex and rock and roll.
SEE IT FOR: With about 10 characters each getting their own G.I. Joe profiles, there's bound to be at least a couple that you are rooting for. For every bad performance, there's somebody with a good one. Allen and Rollins are quite tasty, though you won't want to eat during this Feast. Jason Mewes as Jason Mewes is also something you don't see every day.
WAS MISSING: "I Know What You Did Last Winter" tagline. (What's funny is I wrote that before realizing that it was actually from the director of "I Know What You Did Last Summer" lol)
SEE IT FOR: A pre-T2 Robert Patrick performance that manages to thaw out the rest of the cold and stiff cast. The score would be much higher if you cut out the first half of the movie.
WAS MISSING: The Statham flying split kick and a real-life-person-to-actor comparison at the end.
SEE IT FOR: Loads of brilliant British accents, especially on the lady-types, plus a really tense storyline that involves everybody exploiting everybody. The based-on-a-true-story aspect never hurts.
WAS MISSING: A better actor for the young Michael Myers.
SEE IT FOR: The origin of Myers. This provides a great backstory and fresh spin on the franchise. Sheri Moon Zombie outperforms everybody and Danielle Harris (Myers' niece from Halloween 4 and 5) sneaks back into the series as Annie Brackett.
WAS MISSING: Surprises. The plot moved too slowly and too much toward an expected ending to really hold your interest.
SEE IT FOR: The black and white animation is stunning and shines most in the backgrounds, including simple things like bricks and rooftops. You feel like you're in a graphic novel. Plus, the baddie with the cloaking device and Gatling-gun arm is pretty impressive.
SEE IT FOR: Vincent D'Onofrio in yet another underrated, underseen performance as a creepy, creepy... um... McCreep? Even with the artistic colors and costumes, he'll give you nightmares.
WAS MISSING: "What's up Doc?" in a violent, grumbly voice. This is one rabbit Lenny wouldn't wanna pet.
SEE IT FOR: Alternate realities, parallel worlds, the dangers of medication, creepily dark realms of the mind and dinner conversation a younger sister should never have to hear!
WAS MISSING: Its identity. It didn't go far enough in the drama, horror or psychological department to really define itself.
SEE IT FOR: Despite some some bad acting, the scenes with the doctors discussing the insomnia condition are pretty interesting. Plus, it will make you feel like you've never *really* cried on the couch.
Bloody genitalia. If that's your thing, then this is the movie for you. The rest of the world? Let's just say this movie is more fulfilling as a teaser trailer than a full-length feature.
WAS MISSING: Bite. Imagination preying on your fears. Seriously... This was like "Signs" where the less they showed, the better off they'd have been. You get bloody crotches galore though.
SEE IT FOR: If you always wondered what happened to Reese Witherspoon's character in "Freeway" after the credits rolled and she grew a mutant, man-eating vagina. Yeah, I didn't think anybody was wondering that.
I loaned this movie to a friend before I had the chance to see it. The following week when he returns it, he tells my wife and I that it's a "weird independant film about two girls in France who get lost or something and try to find each other... oh, and there's a LOT of music." I ask him, "Oh, the horror movie? about the creepy abandoned woman?" He assures me it is not a horror or thriller movie, but some weird, foreign adaptation of Little Women but without audible dialogue.
I'm very confused at this point because I was certain it was supposed to be creepy and I knew it even had pictures of a woman with no pupils in her eyes on every DVD menu. Needless to say, I now wanted to watch the movie more than ever. Surely, something was lost in translation. It turns out that the movie was definitely a horror flick about a woman who returns to her roots only to be trapped in a cyclical Hell of past demons and morbid family secrets. If you're looking for cyclical Hell, and I mean, who isn't?, you'd be much better off renting What About Bob? or In the Mouth of Madness.
I did notice, however, that the first 10 minutes of the movie played an eerie soundtrack while it rolled the opening credits, and it turns out my friend gave up on the movie before even getting 15 minutes into it. His commentary about the lack of speaking and the abundance of music stemmed from a car drive down a desolate road while Russian lettering announced the film's actors and producers.
The movie far exceeded my expectations but still turned out to be nothing more than your above average boogey man bloodfest. I went in thinking I'd see a carefree tale of innocent youth traipsing through the French countryside to discover themselves, but I was left with pot-bellied pigs threatening to eat babies and zombies crawling out of lakes. Sounds like a good trade off, but I was disappointed.
