Feast

IMDB: Feast

• OVERALL: 80
• VISUAL: 84
  
• STORY: 87
  
• ACTING: 68
  
• BETTER THAN: The Hills Have Eyes II (2007)
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: The Descent
  
• WAS MISSING: There are so many ways that this is a tongue-and-cheek send up of bad horror-action films that it probably could've thrown in a bit more sex and rock and roll.
  
• SEE IT FOR: With about 10 characters each getting their own G.I. Joe profiles, there's bound to be at least a couple that you are rooting for. For every bad performance, there's somebody with a good one. Allen and Rollins are quite tasty, though you won't want to eat during this Feast. Jason Mewes as Jason Mewes is also something you don't see every day.

Feast Trailer

Eye See You (D-Tox)

IMDB: Eye See You (D-Tox)

• OVERALL: 67
• VISUAL: 71
  
• STORY: 59
  
• ACTING: 72
  
• BETTER THAN: Wind Chill
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Shoot to Kill
  
• WAS MISSING: "I Know What You Did Last Winter" tagline. (What's funny is I wrote that before realizing that it was actually from the director of "I Know What You Did Last Summer" lol)
  
• SEE IT FOR: A pre-T2 Robert Patrick performance that manages to thaw out the rest of the cold and stiff cast. The score would be much higher if you cut out the first half of the movie.

Halloween (Rob Zombie's Halloween)

IMDB: Halloween (Rob Zombie's Halloween)

• OVERALL: 86
• VISUAL: 87
  
• STORY: 92
  
• ACTING: 80
  
• BETTER THAN: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Halloween (John Carpenter's Halloween)
  
• WAS MISSING: A better actor for the young Michael Myers.
  
• SEE IT FOR: The origin of Myers. This provides a great backstory and fresh spin on the franchise. Sheri Moon Zombie outperforms everybody and Danielle Harris (Myers' niece from Halloween 4 and 5) sneaks back into the series as Annie Brackett.

Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le pacte des loups)

IMDB: Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le pacte des loups)

• OVERALL: 93
• VISUAL: 95
  
• STORY: 94
  
• ACTING: 90
  
• BETTER THAN: Dancing with Wolves
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Babe
  
• WAS MISSING: An even creepier score.
  
• SEE IT FOR: Fighting in the rain, vengeance personified and one of the best movie monsters ever.

The Cell

IMDB: The Cell

• OVERALL: 82
• VISUAL: 90
  
• STORY: 70
  
• ACTING: 87
  
• BETTER THAN: The First Turn-On!!
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Full Metal Jacket
  
• WAS MISSING: GameBoy 3D.
  
• SEE IT FOR: Vincent D'Onofrio in yet another underrated, underseen performance as a creepy, creepy... um... McCreep? Even with the artistic colors and costumes, he'll give you nightmares.

Donnie Darko

IMDB: Donnie Darko

• OVERALL: 94
• VISUAL: 93
  
• STORY: 97
  
• ACTING: 91
  
• BETTER THAN: What the Bleep!?: Down the Rabbit Hole
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Dead Again
  
• WAS MISSING: "What's up Doc?" in a violent, grumbly voice. This is one rabbit Lenny wouldn't wanna pet.
  
• SEE IT FOR: Alternate realities, parallel worlds, the dangers of medication, creepily dark realms of the mind and dinner conversation a younger sister should never have to hear!
  

National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets

IMDB: National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets

• OVERALL: 76
• VISUAL: 88
  
• STORY: 69
  
• ACTING: 72
  
• BETTER THAN: Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Duck Tales: The Movie - Treasure of the Lost Lamp
  
• WAS MISSING: A "dumb" character to summarize the huge leaps of logic for the audience.
  
• SEE IT FOR: Diane Krueger showing a softer, sillier side that still comes off strong. Helen Mirren adds a bit as well, but the men in the movie just seem self-important and mopey.

Eastern Promises

IMDB: Eastern Promises

• OVERALL: 92
• VISUAL: 90
  
• STORY: 91
  
• ACTING: 94
  
• BETTER THAN: Children of Men
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: A History of Violence
  
• WAS MISSING: A warning before the brutal killings kick in.
  
• SEE IT FOR: Tattoos and Viggo in a nude fight scene that rivals the one in Borat. The man fights harder than Daniel-san and has a heart that stays more golden than Pony Boy's.
  

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (Boksuneun naui geot)

IMDB: Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (Boksuneun naui geot)

• OVERALL: 84
  
• VISUAL: 70
  
• STORY: 93
  
• ACTING: 89
  
• BETTER THAN: War
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: The Host (Gwoemul)
  
• WAS MISSING: A few more upbeat scenes to offset the deliberately slow tension.
  
• SEE IT FOR: A really funny Three's Company-esque sex through a wall scene. Oh, and the slow, chilling reality of the cost of retribution.
  

Teeth

Bloody genitalia. If that's your thing, then this is the movie for you. The rest of the world? Let's just say this movie is more fulfilling as a teaser trailer than a full-length feature.

IMDB: Teeth

• OVERALL: 78
  
• VISUAL: 83
  
• STORY: 73
  
• ACTING: 77
  
• BETTER THAN: Poison Ivy: The New Seduction
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Basic Instinct
  
• WAS MISSING: Bite. Imagination preying on your fears. Seriously... This was like "Signs" where the less they showed, the better off they'd have been. You get bloody crotches galore though.
  
• SEE IT FOR: If you always wondered what happened to Reese Witherspoon's character in "Freeway" after the credits rolled and she grew a mutant, man-eating vagina. Yeah, I didn't think anybody was wondering that.
  

Atonement

IMDB: Atonement

• OVERALL: 94
  
• VISUAL: 93
  
• STORY: 97
  
• ACTING: 92
  
• BETTER THAN: Pearl Harbor
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Pride & Prejudice (2005)
  
• WAS MISSING: Even more extravagant costume design. Yeah, I said it!
  
• SEE IT FOR: The sadness, the passion, the beauty, the twists... they'll all move you. And that Keira gal ain't half bad in those roles. ;)
  

Delicatessen

IMDB: Delicatessen

• OVERALL: 89
  
• VISUAL: 94
  
• STORY: 84
  
• ACTING: 90
  
• BETTER THAN: Parents
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: The City of Lost Children
  
• WAS MISSING: Likable characters for the underground rescue team. They tried, but failed.
  
• SEE IT FOR: Dominique Pinon will make you fall in love with him. Entertaining and engaging.
  

IMDB: American Gangster

• OVERALL: 93
  
• VISUAL: 90
  
• STORY: 94
  
• ACTING: 95
  
• BETTER THAN: Hoffa
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: A History of Violence
  
• WAS MISSING: The ultimate showdown of Denzel and Crowe in valiant fisticuffs.
  
• SEE IT FOR: The ultimate showdown of Denzel and Crowe in stubborn, brilliant mind games.
  

The Kingdom

IMDB: The Kingdom

• OVERALL: 79
  
• VISUAL: 80
  
• STORY: 79
  
• ACTING: 78
  
• BETTER THAN: Men of War
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Under Fire
  
• WAS MISSING: A pulse. Good luck staying awake until it gets rolling.
  
• SEE IT FOR: Your Friday Night Lights fix. From cast to directors, it's the same bunch and feel.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

IMDB: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

• OVERALL: 85
  
• VISUAL: 75
  
• STORY: 92
  
• ACTING: 89
  
• BETTER THAN: Wyatt Earp
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Tombstone
  
• WAS MISSING: "I'm yer Huckleberry."
  
• SEE IT FOR: The What-a-burger-ish commercial voice over guy telling a very slow tale that is worth it if you like character development.
  

The Abandoned

I loaned this movie to a friend before I had the chance to see it. The following week when he returns it, he tells my wife and I that it's a "weird independant film about two girls in France who get lost or something and try to find each other... oh, and there's a LOT of music." I ask him, "Oh, the horror movie? about the creepy abandoned woman?" He assures me it is not a horror or thriller movie, but some weird, foreign adaptation of Little Women but without audible dialogue.

I'm very confused at this point because I was certain it was supposed to be creepy and I knew it even had pictures of a woman with no pupils in her eyes on every DVD menu. Needless to say, I now wanted to watch the movie more than ever. Surely, something was lost in translation. It turns out that the movie was definitely a horror flick about a woman who returns to her roots only to be trapped in a cyclical Hell of past demons and morbid family secrets. If you're looking for cyclical Hell, and I mean, who isn't?, you'd be much better off renting What About Bob? or In the Mouth of Madness.

I did notice, however, that the first 10 minutes of the movie played an eerie soundtrack while it rolled the opening credits, and it turns out my friend gave up on the movie before even getting 15 minutes into it. His commentary about the lack of speaking and the abundance of music stemmed from a car drive down a desolate road while Russian lettering announced the film's actors and producers.

The movie far exceeded my expectations but still turned out to be nothing more than your above average boogey man bloodfest. I went in thinking I'd see a carefree tale of innocent youth traipsing through the French countryside to discover themselves, but I was left with pot-bellied pigs threatening to eat babies and zombies crawling out of lakes. Sounds like a good trade off, but I was disappointed.

• OVERALL: 79
  
• VISUAL: 84
  
• STORY: 79
  
• ACTING: 73
  
• BETTER THAN: Dead Silence
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Frozen
  
• WAS MISSING: John Lithgow screaming "The cat's in the bag, and the bag's in the river!"
  
• SEE IT FOR: Confirming the zombie guy looks exactly like the Pet Cemetary jogger
  

The Last Time

If Michael Keaton starred in his next movie as character with no speaking parts, no on-screen time and got cut from the film... I'd be the first in line to watch it. His aura would still leave its mark. There's no end to my fanboy love for the subtleties of his humor, terror, creepiness and sincerity. He can do them all with one furrow of his brow. This movie didn't get a lot of buzz on its way to the video stand, but I highly recommend checking it out to just about anybody. If you've ever had a boss, or co-workers, or been in or out of love... this one's for you. Did I include everybody with that broad question? Yes, I did. If you've ever watched The Office and found the interaction to be interesting or hilarious... this one's for you, but you get to see what people really say and think when they're not on network TV. If you like drama, suspense, dark humor or good storytelling... you guessed it... for you. I've been a salesperson in similar situations and my feelings have run the gamut that the movie depicts, but in real life, nobody would ever imagine saying or doing those things. So many of the exaggerated scenarios are closer to the truth than hyperbole though, so kudos to the writers. Keaton leads a nice collection of role players through their strengths and weaknesses, and the film does a great job of letting you both love and hate most of the characters. They're rude, angry and aggressive, or funny, charming and sly... but you get it. Brendan Fraser overdoes it a bit, but Amber Valletta (of Hitch) is seductively smooth and you get some nice cameos from Daniel Stern and the guy from that old Herman's Head TV series.

You understand everybody is flawed and you find a center to pull for, or root against. This movie could go in a thousand different directions, and yet it left me feeling very satisfied, like it ended the one and only way I logically and creatively wanted it to. It's so good though, that just about any ending would've worked within its story. There are a couple nice literary references thrown in, which actually play nicely into the ultimate plot rather than pop their head in to make the dialogue sound smart. They're there for a purpose. You will predict 20 different endings for this film but lean strongly toward one or two, and if you catch everything the story is telling you, it just may fit them all. Keaton amazingly pulls off Mr. Mom, Batman, Bettlejuice and Pacific Heights all in one character. The tag line for the movie asks who you would sell out to trade up... I recommend starting with whatever lesser movie is at the top of your current queue.

• OVERALL: 93
  
• VISUAL: 88
  
• STORY: 95
  
• ACTING: 95
• BETTER THAN: The Temp
  
• NOT AS GOOD AS: Shattered Glass
  
• WAS MISSING: A tad better score from Randy Edelman
  
• SEE IT FOR: Suspense that is sexy, jaded and tense