Movie Reviews, Ranks & Fantasy Casts

2011 - Movie reviews REBORN!

2011-01-04T14:04:00.000-08:00

I plan to bring this site back to life in 2011. Finally! :D

Blockbuster has put this site in a coma.

2008-09-01T05:23:00.001-07:00

Hiatus. When it's back, you'll know!

Updates

2008-08-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

Added several people to The Korpis: The Movie

Lisa W. (Edited)
Galia
Karla C.
Zach C.
Jessica R.
Zach R.

Updates

2008-08-26T06:42:00.000-07:00

Added several people to The Korpis: The Movie

Heather B.
Mark B.
Noah W.
Heather W.

On the Edge (2001)

2008-08-18T06:35:00.000-07:00

IMDB: On the Edge (2001)

OVERALL: 87
VISUAL: 82
STORY: 94
ACTING: 84
BETTER THAN: Neverwas
NOT AS GOOD AS: Secretary
WAS MISSING: A cameo by Morrissey.
SEE IT FOR: Proof that Dreamsicles make everything better. Seriously though, this is not for the squeamish or easily depressed. Cillian Murphy's baby blues tell a well-written story that is surrounded, unfortunately, by the mediocrity of the rest of the film.

Feast

2008-08-17T04:35:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Feast

OVERALL: 80
VISUAL: 84
STORY: 87
ACTING: 68
BETTER THAN: The Hills Have Eyes II (2007)
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Descent
WAS MISSING: There are so many ways that this is a tongue-and-cheek send up of bad horror-action films that it probably could've thrown in a bit more sex and rock and roll.
SEE IT FOR: With about 10 characters each getting their own G.I. Joe profiles, there's bound to be at least a couple that you are rooting for. For every bad performance, there's somebody with a good one. Allen and Rollins are quite tasty, though you won't want to eat during this Feast. Jason Mewes as Jason Mewes is also something you don't see every day.

Feast Trailer

Miss Potter

2008-08-16T00:54:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Miss Potter

OVERALL: 85
VISUAL: 95
STORY: 89
ACTING: 71
BETTER THAN: Cool World
NOT AS GOOD AS: Finding Neverland
WAS MISSING: A complete bibliography worked into the movie or the DVD extra features, but sadly, it's missing.
SEE IT FOR: Art coming alive. Literally, in the form of Peter Rabbit! While not an amazing story, it's a pretty heartwarming look at a life I knew nothing about. Who needs friends when you have art supplies?

Miss Potter Trailer

Updates

2008-08-14T04:28:00.000-07:00

Added Lindsey, Tabecca, Jody, Andy, Colleen, Amber and Trevor to The Korpi: The Movies cast list

Batman: Gotham Knight

2008-08-12T04:18:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Batman: Gotham Knight

OVERALL: 81
VISUAL: 96
STORY: 68
ACTING: 78
BETTER THAN: The Invincible Iron Man
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Animatrix
WAS MISSING: Longer scenes with the Batman variations at the beginning.
SEE IT FOR: The Deadshot section has an amazing art style to watch Batman running at bullets on a subway. Plus, the Tekkon Kinkreet art style at the beginning displays a demonic butterfly Batman, and an uber-cool vaporizing-into-shadows Batman. Different takes on a classic end in a successful animated experiment.

Eye See You (D-Tox)

2008-08-12T03:48:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Eye See You (D-Tox)

OVERALL: 67
VISUAL: 71
STORY: 59
ACTING: 72
BETTER THAN: Wind Chill
NOT AS GOOD AS: Shoot to Kill
WAS MISSING: "I Know What You Did Last Winter" tagline. (What's funny is I wrote that before realizing that it was actually from the director of "I Know What You Did Last Summer" lol)
SEE IT FOR: A pre-T2 Robert Patrick performance that manages to thaw out the rest of the cold and stiff cast. The score would be much higher if you cut out the first half of the movie.

The Bank Job

2008-08-11T05:45:00.000-07:00

IMDB: The Bank Job

OVERALL: 90
VISUAL: 94
STORY: 92
ACTING: 85
BETTER THAN: The Italian Job
NOT AS GOOD AS: Heat
WAS MISSING: The Statham flying split kick and a real-life-person-to-actor comparison at the end.
SEE IT FOR: Loads of brilliant British accents, especially on the lady-types, plus a really tense storyline that involves everybody exploiting everybody. The based-on-a-true-story aspect never hurts.

Velvet Goldmine

2008-08-11T05:31:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Velvet Goldmine

OVERALL: 88
VISUAL: 81
STORY: 86
ACTING: 96
BETTER THAN: Labyrinth
NOT AS GOOD AS: Trainspotting
WAS MISSING: A reference to Teen Bop or a little bit more spelling out of the plot for those not as informed on Bowie going into it, since it nearly plays out like a documentary.
SEE IT FOR: Three of my favorite actors in Bale, McGregor and Rhys Davies in very fine performances of something that may have otherwise been restricted to a niche crowd.

Top 10 Scariest Clown Movies

2008-08-09T23:35:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Scariest Clown Movies - Actually, Top 25!
This is not a list of "best" movies, it is a list of the creepiest clown movies or moments. For example, Batman: The Dark Knight may feature the Joker as a clown, as may be one of the best movies listed, but the Joker's not as creepy as the clown in Poltergeist, so this list will reflect just the clown's creepy factor.

SCORE IS THE CREEPY FACTOR (0-100)

Poltergeist - 100: One scene is probably responsible for half the world's therapy sessions. Still to this day, if I'm around clowns, dolls, thunder, lightning... Hell, anything... I cry like a baby. This clown is even scarier before it moves. The anticipation is insanely horrifying.
Pee Wee's Big Adventure - 98: Just when you think the dizzying camera effects and evil laugh make the stolen bike clown scene the worst... you remember that there are also evil nurse clowns running through dark hallways pushing gurneys to some ridiculously tense Elfman music.
It - 96: "We all float down here." Okay, that's all I can say or Stephen King's Pennywise will eat me.
Batman: The Dark Knight - 95: If you have a minute, he'll tell you how his mouthy grin was cut with a razor, and he'll make it seem like it was your fault. A man with no fear is scary indeed, and he has less fear than Batman himself. He even does magic tricks. The fact that he died in real life before the film was released just makes him that much more of a mystery.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space - 94: If I did drugs, I bet my life would feel something like this movie. This is one of the most bizarre trips I've ever been on, from the spinning Big Top spaceship to the rubber-masked alien clowns that shoot popcorn from their mouths. If these guys pull up to my house and get out of a car, I think I'll send myself to that big Grand Prize Game in the sky.
Clownhouse - 93: Sam Rockwell would agree that three escaped mental patients disguised as clowns chasing you through a huge house does NOT equal a fun Friday night.
The Brave Little Toaster - 91: Have you seen this? Probably not... or you don't remember because you blocked it out. Check it out HERE on YouTube and imagine a kid watching this... and we wonder why people grow up afraid of clowns. Yeesh.
Halloween (Rob Zombie's Halloween) - 87: Clown mask off? Happy kid. Clown mask on? Deeply tormented, brooding killer. Knowing this was essentially the key moment in the transformation to the legendary boogeyman helps.
Halloween 4 & 5 - 81: It's all about the holes cut out of the mask and the first-person camera view. How could someone so innocent be so evil? Oh yeah! She's related to Mr. Myers.
Demonic Toys - 80: The cover alone could give you nightmares. I remember walking through the old-school VHS movie rental store and strolling through the horror section as a kid. Man... you take out CGI and you get some really tangible, wicked toys, especially the clown-in-a-box.
Batman (Original) - 78: Jack is far too devilishly funny to be deemed truly evil. Still, it's a great performance that scares the crap out of you if you realize how driven he is.
Clown at Midnight - 73: There's something raw about this film that adds to the eeriness. The low production values and dark boogeyman scenes seem to actually work. Sure, we've seen the whole deal where the camera pans away, pans back and WHAM! there's the clown, but it fits here. Wave goodbye to the clown!
The Devil's Rejects - 70: Normal-enough-looking guy walks up and asks to borrow your car. Oh, except he's painted up like a clown and he's beating you and scaring your children. Yeah, this feels like it could really happen the way it is shot, that makes it creepy.
House of 1,000 Corpses - 67: I think the campy commercial presentation took a lot away from dear ol' Captain Spaulding. I'd be more afraid of him in the sequel.
Dead Clowns - 65: There's something about making clowns actually look scary that takes away from the fear factor. Keep them happy... that's what lets them sneak up on us. If you try to incorporate "Twister" and "Night of the Living Dead"... you just end up missing the mark. Still, people who are into the whole gorefest (I'm not) will get some kicks.
Killjoy 1 & 2 - 60: Creepy only for that cheap, slasher flick kinda scare. It is what it is. Not much more to say except I've only seen pieces of the sequel over the years, so maybe I missed all the really good parts.
Gacy - 52: Take Francis from Pee Wee's Big Adventures and put him in a movie based on the true story of a serial killer with a clown fetish. Yeah, I agree... I would've been far more scared if it wasn't Francis. Oh well.
The Nightmare Before Christmas - 51: The movie itself isn't creepy, but if I was a youngin and I saw The Clown with the Tear-away Face, I probably wouldn't be going to any circuses any time soon.
Rize - 49: This documentary involves a lot of grown men dressed up as clowns and krumping. Grown men violently dancing in clown attire? Please don't send in the clowns.
Shakes the Clown - 41: Bobcat Goldwaith is creepy. He was even creepy in Hot to Trot (maybe it was the Elfman score?)... All I know is if I see a bunch of drunk clowns going mime bashing, I'm gonna call for mommy.
Delicatessen - 40: The clown himself isn't really scary, but the dark mood of the movie and the clown's impending doom lead to, at the very least, an unsettling feeling.
Quick Change - 37: "Nobody likes a whi-ner!" That's probably the last thing you'd here before Bill Murray's criminal clown offs you with his squeaky horn of death. Chip Chipowski is only scary because he acts so anti-clown while in costume. It's just odd.
Akira - 34: The Clowns don't really sound like a tough gang, but when you see them riding their motorcycles of doom you realize they could easily take out the Yancy Street Gang.
Spawn - 31: Lequizamo is the perfect example of somebody trying to be creepy, but overdoing it. Sure, that's probably the point... but for being the right-hand man of Bealzabub himself, I'd like it to be 51% wicked, 49% funny, not the other way around.
Patch Adams - 14: Knowing the outcome of the movie, it's a little unsettling to think of Robin Williams with the clown nose. I don't know why, but it just feels a bit too ghostly for my liking.

There are some movies left off of this list, like S.I.C.K., Fear of Clowns and a few others, but that's for a reason! Even Patch Adams was scarier than they were! With that, I leave you with a YouTube gem. Be afraid... be very afraid!

Halloween (Rob Zombie's Halloween)

2008-08-09T23:10:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Halloween (Rob Zombie's Halloween)

OVERALL: 86
VISUAL: 87
STORY: 92
ACTING: 80
BETTER THAN: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
NOT AS GOOD AS: Halloween (John Carpenter's Halloween)
WAS MISSING: A better actor for the young Michael Myers.
SEE IT FOR: The origin of Myers. This provides a great backstory and fresh spin on the franchise. Sheri Moon Zombie outperforms everybody and Danielle Harris (Myers' niece from Halloween 4 and 5) sneaks back into the series as Annie Brackett.

Superhero Movie

2008-08-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Superhero Movie

OVERALL: 45
VISUAL: 68
STORY: 12
ACTING: 56
BETTER THAN: The Fantastic Four (1994 Version)
NOT AS GOOD AS: My Super Ex-Girlfriend
WAS MISSING: A "Skip" feature... for the entire movie.
SEE IT FOR: The first couple of Nielsen and McDonald scenes, or if you've misplaced your X-Men movie and the sound and picture don't work on your TV.

Updates

2008-08-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

Punch-Drunk Love

2008-08-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Punch-Drunk Love

OVERALL: 93
VISUAL: 96
STORY: 94
ACTING: 90
BETTER THAN: Lars and the Real Girl
NOT AS GOOD AS: About a Boy
WAS MISSING: A final scene after the credits of them on an airplane eating pudding.
SEE IT FOR: Judgmental and insulting sisters. Hilarious customer service calls. The happy side of off-centered folk. Pretty artwork.

Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le pacte des loups)

2008-08-07T05:40:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le pacte des loups)

OVERALL: 93
VISUAL: 95
STORY: 94
ACTING: 90
BETTER THAN: Dancing with Wolves
NOT AS GOOD AS: Babe
WAS MISSING: An even creepier score.
SEE IT FOR: Fighting in the rain, vengeance personified and one of the best movie monsters ever.

Top 10 Best Volleyball Movies

2008-08-05T05:32:00.000-07:00

Volleyball, or volleyball related!
This is tough because there haven't been many, but as a huge volleyball fan, I've seen a lot of good and bad movies. Maybe they're not cinematic classics, but you have to give them credit for the subject matter! Plus, I'm eagerly waiting to find out where "Green Flash" ranks on the list! It's the new volleyball movie with Kristin Cavallari and a ridiculous amount of volleyball and sports cameos!

Iron Ladies (Satree Iek) - The best volleyball movie I've ever seen, Iron Ladies is nearly a documentary. Close-minded audiences would disagree, but you can't help but feel bad for the obstacles this cross-gendered team faced. Not only is it based on a true story, but you get to see footage of the real Iron Ladies at the end of the movie.
Top Gun - There's nothing like a scene of slow-motion, sweaty beach volleyball, especially if you are a fan of hunky fighter pilots. If you're not a fan of that, you will be able to appreciate it for the over-the-top humor factor. Good movie. Famous scene.
Meet the Parents - While this has the smallest volleyball connection of every movie on this list, there is an extremely memorable scene of water volleyball that illicits more "Way to go, Facher" quotes thank you can break a nose with.
Cast Away - "Volleyball" wouldn't be tops on my "Name one thing you'd bring to a deserted island" list, but Wilson proved to be an admiarable source of companionship. It's not as fun to watch as Olympics Beach Volleyball with May-Treanor and Walsh, but it's worth watching between matches.
DOA: Dead or Alive - Not as fun as the DOA: Xtreme Beach Volleyball game, but still provides enough entertainment value if you go into it expecting a cheesy videogame movie. The volleyball is, at best, a silly reference to a guilty pleasure videogame.
Side Out - This was the reigning king of volleyball movies for quite a while, and if you're in the mood for 80s schtick, this moves back to the top, but it sadly hasn't stood the test of time as Howell and company feel a bit played out these days. Still, a classic.
Impact Point - This movie starts out with so much promise. It begins with the sexy athleticism you expect from the sand game, along with quasi-believable beach volleyball action, but it gets worse and worse as it progresses. If it had only been a revisioned remake of Side Out, instead of some awful murder mystery, it could have been a lot more fun with the decent production values.
All You've Got - I'm a sucker for this kind of movie. Think "Bring it On" meets "Stick It" and you have your cookie cutter teen sports dramedy. If it were more original, it'd be higher, but it's certainly a fun watch.
Air Bud: Spikes Back - I'm also a sucker for puppies, so this has to be on the list. Grab your kids or nephews and nieces and use them as an excuse to watch this predictable family flick. I wish my dogs could do that.
Cloud 9 - If there were more volleyball movies out there, this probably wouldn't make the list, and you should only watch Cloud 9 if you are a diehard volleyball fan. Despite Reece, Everheart and Reynolds (um, despite?), this is worthless unless you like pathetic drunks cooking up schemes from their trailer home. Still, you occasionally get some beach volleyball.

Thundercats - FANTASY CAST

2008-08-04T05:35:00.001-07:00

If I were in control of casting the new live-action Thundercats movie, here is who I would get to play the parts! I'm skewing a bit older because the real G.I. Joe movie is going so young, I don't want Thundercats to do the same! It will have a family-fun adventure style similar to that of the Banderas Zorro franchise.

Jason Statham as Lion-O

Ving Rhames as Panthro

Maria Bello as Cheetara

Ron Perlman as Tygra

Andy Serkis as Snarf

AnnaSophia Robb as WilyKit

Freddie Highmore as WilyKat

Pierce Brosnan as Jaga

Willem Dafoe as Mumm-Ra

Oliver Platt as Slithe

Dennis Leary as Monkian

Carrot Top as Jackelman

Vin Diesel as Vultureman

Jack Black as Ratar-O

Blake Lively as Mandora

Terry Crews as Lynx-O

Steve Zahn as Bengali

Roselyn Sanchez as Pumyra

James Cosmo as Claudus

Renaissance

2008-08-04T05:14:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Renaissance

OVERALL: 82
VISUAL: 99
STORY: 63
ACTING: 83
BETTER THAN: Ultraviolet
NOT AS GOOD AS: Sim City
WAS MISSING: Surprises. The plot moved too slowly and too much toward an expected ending to really hold your interest.
SEE IT FOR: The black and white animation is stunning and shines most in the backgrounds, including simple things like bricks and rooftops. You feel like you're in a graphic novel. Plus, the baddie with the cloaking device and Gatling-gun arm is pretty impressive.

Dragons II: The Metal Age

2008-08-04T04:51:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Dragons II: The Metal Age

OVERALL: 71
VISUAL: 86
STORY: 49
ACTING: 79
BETTER THAN: Dragonheart II: A New Beginning
NOT AS GOOD AS: Dragon's World: A Fantasy Made Real (The Last Dragon)
WAS MISSING: Earth, Wind & Fire on the soundtrack.
SEE IT FOR: Your dragon fetish. Past that, the only people who may truly enjoy this would be fans of the old Gargoyles series, because the style of the dragons matches that old artwork.

The Golden Compass

2008-08-04T01:10:00.000-07:00

IMDB: The Golden Compass

OVERALL: 79
VISUAL: 91
STORY: 67
ACTING: 80
BETTER THAN: The Polar Bear King
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Spiderwick Chronicles
WAS MISSING: Coca-Cola product placement with all those polar bears running around.
SEE IT FOR: Any scene with the polar bears, especially the one-on-one battle, as well as a few cool steampunk elements thrown in.

Henry V

2008-08-04T00:06:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Henry V

OVERALL: 91
VISUAL: 89
STORY: 91
ACTING: 93
BETTER THAN: Love's Labour's Lost
NOT AS GOOD AS: Dead Again
WAS MISSING: An illuminated manuscript at the beginning to highlight Derek Jacobi's bookends.
SEE IT FOR: Branagh's deeply moving and passionate directing debut and portrayal of the title character, especially in the pivotal Falstaff scene. Jacobi is fiery, plus you get a young Christian Bale in a supporting role.

Frazetta: Painting With Fire

2008-07-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Frazetta: Painting With Fire

OVERALL: 92
VISUAL: 99
STORY: 93
CHARACTERS: 84
BETTER THAN: Crumb
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Joy of Painting (TV Series & Collected)
WAS MISSING: Even more time spent on the countless knock off Frazetta artists, including comic book covers, magazines, films and album covers. So many people used his style. I would've loved to see even more of these exposed, either as plagiarism or homages.
SEE IT FOR: Unbelievable mastery of art and the human form. You would never have guessed his lack of training, his "funnies" beginnings or his sincere dedication to family. I also truly enjoyed the before and after shots of works he repainted in hopes of improving them.

The Cell

2008-07-31T04:44:00.000-07:00

IMDB: The Cell

OVERALL: 82
VISUAL: 90
STORY: 70
ACTING: 87
BETTER THAN: The First Turn-On!!
NOT AS GOOD AS: Full Metal Jacket
WAS MISSING: GameBoy 3D.
SEE IT FOR: Vincent D'Onofrio in yet another underrated, underseen performance as a creepy, creepy... um... McCreep? Even with the artistic colors and costumes, he'll give you nightmares.

Fulltime Killer (Chuen jik sat sau)

2008-07-24T02:12:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Fulltime Killer (Chuen jik sat sau)

OVERALL: 91
VISUAL: 92
STORY: 91
ACTING: 89
BETTER THAN: Kill Zone (Saat po long)
NOT AS GOOD AS: Versus
WAS MISSING: A need for aiming. I mean, does anybody look where they're pointing that thing?
SEE IT FOR: The best Bill Clinton mask scene since Point Break, combined with very stylized fight scenes and a sinister performance from Andy Lau.

Game 6

2008-07-24T01:56:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Walk Hard: Game 6

OVERALL: 67
VISUAL: 65
STORY: 64
ACTING: 71
BETTER THAN: The Break-Up
NOT AS GOOD AS: For the Love of the Game
WAS MISSING: About 20 more shots of Buckner missing that grounder.
SEE IT FOR: "Life is true. We can still win." The more Keaton is prompted to say this, the more he's trying to convince himself of it, to no avail. Sadly, I'll do the same with "Keaton doesn't make bad movies."

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

2008-07-24T01:41:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

OVERALL: 79
VISUAL: 80
STORY: 86
ACTING: 72
BETTER THAN: Spy Hard
NOT AS GOOD AS: Top Secret!
WAS MISSING: A funny scene outside of the pre-released clips on FunnyOrDie.com.
SEE IT FOR: Every scene that starts with Tim Meadows saying "Dewey, you don't want none of this!" The Dewey Cox Died song at the end credits is entertaining enough, and you get to see Jewel, Lyle and Jackson Browne on stage together!

War

2008-07-23T23:01:00.000-07:00

IMDB: War

OVERALL: 69
VISUAL: 78
STORY: 66
ACTING: 63
BETTER THAN: Rush Hour 3
NOT AS GOOD AS: Rush Hour 2
WAS MISSING: The patented tough guy humor Statham usually brings. Triads? More like try agains!
SEE IT FOR: Jet Li, but barely.

Labyrinth

2008-07-22T07:02:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Labyrinth

OVERALL: 86
VISUAL: 91
STORY: 87
ACTING: 79
BETTER THAN: Meet the Feebles
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Dark Crystal
WAS MISSING: A laser light show and a creepy talking wolf.
SEE IT FOR: An early film from Jennifer Connelly, "helping hands," and a scene where Harry Potter's Yule Ball meets Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

2008-07-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

IMDB: The Unbearable Lightness of Being

OVERALL: 90
VISUAL: 94
STORY: 84
ACTING: 93
BETTER THAN: Wild at Heart
NOT AS GOOD AS: Blame it on Rio
WAS MISSING: Both halves of the movie on one DVD. C'mon people.
SEE IT FOR: If you've ever thought about a romantic, torrid, foreign affair, chances are this sensual film of sexual awakening may have crossed your subconscious mind.

Donnie Darko

2008-07-22T01:28:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Donnie Darko

OVERALL: 94
VISUAL: 93
STORY: 97
ACTING: 91
BETTER THAN: What the Bleep!?: Down the Rabbit Hole
NOT AS GOOD AS: Dead Again
WAS MISSING: "What's up Doc?" in a violent, grumbly voice. This is one rabbit Lenny wouldn't wanna pet.
SEE IT FOR: Alternate realities, parallel worlds, the dangers of medication, creepily dark realms of the mind and dinner conversation a younger sister should never have to hear!

Darkon

2008-07-21T05:49:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Darkon

OVERALL: 69
VISUAL: 73
STORY: 75
REAL LIFE CHARACTERS: 60
BETTER THAN: Lord Protector (The Dark Mist)
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Visitors (Les Visiteurs)
WAS MISSING: Respect. I couldn't take anything very seriously and it seemed to feed right into every negative stereotype you'd think they would be trying to knock down.
SEE IT FOR: I love medieval themes more than most, and I'm down with costumed role players, fairs and games... but I've never been down with professional LARPer-types who live out the medieval days, on and off the field. Disappointingly, Darkon did not change my mind, but to each their own!

Blonde Ambition

2008-07-21T05:38:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Blonde Ambition

OVERALL: 73
VISUAL: 80
STORY: 65
ACTING: 74
BETTER THAN: Blonde and Blonderer (I've heard)
NOT AS GOOD AS: Legally Blonde
WAS MISSING: The "Newlyweds: Jessica's Divorced and Single" MTV promo.
SEE IT FOR: You have to be a die hard Jessica Simpson, Luke Wilson or Willie Nelson fan. All others should run the farrest, most really farrest away. If you're one of those though, you'll enjoy it more than the Internet says you will.

Top 10 Best Sleep, Depression & Insomnia Movies

2008-07-21T02:58:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Best Sleep, Depression or Insomnia Movies (Top 50!)
I have merged the Top 10 Best Sleep Deprivation Movies, Top 10 Best Depression Movies and Top 10 Best Insomnia Movies. Keep in mind this is NOT a list for "Most Depressing Movies," rather for movies dealing with depression and/or sleep disorders!
Links will be added as the reviews go up! The list keeps growing!

The Machinist
About a Boy
Fight Club
Donnie Darko
Punch Drunk Love
Waking Life
Pi
Secretary
The Flying Scotsman
The Good Night
Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself
A Beautiful Mind
Better Off Dead
I'll Sleep When I'm Dead
In the Bedroom
Harold and Maude
Garden State
Grave of the Fireflies (Hotaru no haka)
The Station Agent
Dark City
Lost in Translation
The Science of Sleep
Taxi Driver
On the Edge
The Royal Tenenbaums
The Quiet
The Virgin Suicides
Cashback
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Seconds
American Beauty
The Brown Bunny
Numb
Insomnia
Chasing Sleep
While You Were Sleeping
Who Needs Sleep?
Leaving Las Vegas
They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
Sleeping Beauty
Nightmare on Elm Street Series
Manic
Less than Zero
Stay
What Dreams May Come
Stealing Home
Girl Interrupted
Caffeine
Flatliners
Into the Night
Fade

The Incredible Hulk

2008-07-21T00:55:00.000-07:00

IMDB: The Incredible Hulk

OVERALL: 91
VISUAL: 93
STORY: 84
ACTING: 95
BETTER THAN: Hulk
NOT AS GOOD AS: Superman II
WAS MISSING: Hulk surf Internet! Hulk ride gondola! Hulk become peaceful artist in tiny village!
SEE IT FOR: Hulk smash, thunderclap, Bill Bixby, Lou Ferigno... all there, as well as the always-brilliant Edward Norton. The last shot of the movie is tasty as well!

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

2008-07-21T00:23:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Hellboy II: The Golden Army

OVERALL: 84
VISUAL: 91
STORY: 80
ACTING: 82
BETTER THAN: Hellboy Animated: Sword of Storms
NOT AS GOOD AS: Hellboy
WAS MISSING: Mignola's striking artwork mixed in, and attention to gritty storytelling instead of the endless Shrek-like cheap laughs.
SEE IT FOR: A somewhat-romantic, drunken serenade, as well as steampunk in the 70 x 70 fashion. That will make sense when you see it.

Top 10 Best Christian Bale Movies

2008-07-17T03:19:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Best Christian Bale Movies
Links will be added as the reviews go up! The list keeps growing!

The Machinist - 99
American Psycho - 98
3:10 to Yuma - 97
Batman: The Dark Knight - 97
Batman Begins - 95
The Prestige - 92
Henry V - 91
Reign of Fire - 90
Howl's Moving Castle - 90
Equilibrium - 89
Velvet Goldmine - 88
Rescue Dawn - 86
Empire of the Sun - 85
Harsh Times - 82
A Midsummer Night's Dream - 80
Pocahontas - 80
A New World - 79
Shaft - 72

Tank Girl

2008-07-17T02:30:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Tank Girl

OVERALL: 90
VISUAL: 95
STORY: 88
ACTING: 87
BETTER THAN: Cherry 2000
NOT AS GOOD AS: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior
WAS MISSING: Even more artwork in the film and some comic book DVD extras.
SEE IT FOR: A 20-something Watts as Jet Girl, perfect comic-drawings-to-live-action segways, Petty's comic irreverence, and the coolest Bjork video to date. This movie's worth far more than 2 dollars and 15 cents!

Starcrash

2008-07-17T02:07:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Starcrash

OVERALL: 49
VISUAL: 51
STORY: 39
ACTING: 32
BETTER THAN: Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone
NOT AS GOOD AS: Ice Pirates
WAS MISSING: A "Comedy" or "Parody" classification. Still, there's value here!
SEE IT FOR: Too many to list. You have redneck robots, leather slave girls, Argonaut-ish stop-motion giants, blatant Star Wars ripoffs, Windows Media Player-type special effects and hilariously voice-tracked dialogue. And, I haven't even mentioned The Hoff in makeup!

The Flying Scotsman

2008-07-17T01:39:00.000-07:00

IMDB: The Flying Scotsman

OVERALL: 93
VISUAL: 92
STORY: 96
ACTING: 91
BETTER THAN: American Flyers
NOT AS GOOD AS: Triplets of Belleville (Les Triplettes de Belleville)
WAS MISSING: Journey's "What It Takes To Win" playing during every defeat and victory.
SEE IT FOR: Cycling at its greatest and most obsessive, as well as the (attempted?) overcoming of internal struggle far greater than any world record. Courageously brilliant.

National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets

2008-07-16T06:06:00.000-07:00

IMDB: National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets

OVERALL: 76
VISUAL: 88
STORY: 69
ACTING: 72
BETTER THAN: Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold
NOT AS GOOD AS: Duck Tales: The Movie - Treasure of the Lost Lamp
WAS MISSING: A "dumb" character to summarize the huge leaps of logic for the audience.
SEE IT FOR: Diane Krueger showing a softer, sillier side that still comes off strong. Helen Mirren adds a bit as well, but the men in the movie just seem self-important and mopey.

My Blueberry Nights

2008-07-16T05:25:00.000-07:00

IMDB: My Blueberry Nights

OVERALL: 80
VISUAL: 85
STORY: 65
ACTING: 91
BETTER THAN: It Could Happen to You
NOT AS GOOD AS: Waitress
WAS MISSING: A pulse for the first 2/3 of the movie.
SEE IT FOR: The kiss. If you can make it through the excruiatingly slow start, it just may be worth it for the kiss. Very sensual, very yum. Good luck making it to that scene though! Strathairn was memorable as well.

Top 10 Best Comic Book Movies

2008-07-15T03:43:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Best Comic Book Movies
Full reviews coming soon and they'll be linked from this list as they're updated!

Transformers: The Movie (Animated) - 99: There are few things that give me goosebumps like Prime showing up to turn the tide as you hear "You've got The Touch!"
Batman - 98: Elfman, Burton and Keaton leave one helluva impression. It's hard to beat the original. The look of Gotham and the triumphant score vault it to the top.
Batman: The Dark Knight - 97: You haven't really lived until you've seen Heath Ledger's Joker in a nurse outfit. His Joker actually tops Jack's because he's oh so creepy. The original Batman had more inner turmoil and struggle, but I'm not sure whey they don't write this into the new Batman script. Bale can handle it, but they're writing him into too much luxury. The third installment should have PLENTY of inner Bruce Wayne turmoil and more of a focus on Bale's character. Here's hoping!
A History of Violence - 97: Viggo and Bello scorch the screen and the inner turmoil throughout is a brilliant depiction of leaving your past behind.
Batman Begins - 96: This movie exposed the mainstream world to the crazy intensity of the unmatched Bale. The best Batman since the original. If it had Elfman's score, it'd be the best. It's that good.
X-2: X-Men United - 95: A comic book movie making you want to cry? Yes. It's Famke and it's X-Men 2. Now that the introductions were out of the way, bring on the storylines!
Heavy Metal - 94: Taarna headlines a series of animated shorts that are all tied together by a green, glowing ball of evil. Based on the old fantasy mags and featuring a rock soundtrack that includes Journey, this one has unlimited replay value.
300 - 93: Visually stunning. I'd watch Butler in anything, so when you star him in FrAnk Miller's masterpiece, that's a winning combination. The story may not translate perfectly to the big screen, but the visuals take it to the next level.
Hellboy - 92: Perlman's first take on Hellboy was fresh and original and the movie does a good job of taking Mignola's art style and creating an acceptable alternative. The Predator-like baddie doesn't hurt.
Superman II - 92: I still have nightmares of the three villains Ursa, Zod and Non. Superman could have not even been in the movie and they would make it epic. I still think I'm going to get trapped in a glass square and spend eternity floating through space.
Sin City - 92
Spider-Man - 92
Road to Perdition - 92
Superman - 92
TMNT (2007) - 92
Akira - 91: Responsible for creating so many new anime fans, Akira features wicked societal circumstances and even cooler motorcycles. Put your thinking cap on for this one and make sure it matches your red jacket.
The Incredible Hulk (2008) - 91
V for Vendetta - 90
Ghost World - 90
X-Men - 90
Tank Girl - 90
American Splendor - 89
Ghost in the Shell - 89
The Crow - 87
Appleseed -87
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - 86
Transformers (2007) - 86
Metropolis - 86
Spider-Man 2 - 85
Stardust - 84
Hellboy II: The Golden Army - 84
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm - 83
Conan The Barbarian - 82
Blade: Trinity - 81

The Good Night

2008-07-15T03:10:00.000-07:00

IMDB: The Good Night

OVERALL: 92
VISUAL: 85
STORY: 97
ACTING: 95
BETTER THAN: What Dreams May Come
NOT AS GOOD AS: Waking Life
WAS MISSING: Pain. I'm sure there was unseen pain.
SEE IT FOR: Insomnia. Lucid dreaming. Depression. There are a few scenes where you may literally laugh out loud. Pegg should be Pigg. Paltrow is so put out. It tackles these issues in a non-threatening way and, "You can't just reciprocate the complaint!"

Starter for 10

2008-07-15T02:46:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Starter for 10

OVERALL: 91
VISUAL: 83
STORY: 97
ACTING: 92
BETTER THAN: Art School Confidential
NOT AS GOOD AS: Glory Daze
WAS MISSING: A cameo from Alex Trebek.
SEE IT FOR: A pre-Atonement James McAvoy in a breakout performance. This one's especially romantic for the trivia nerds!

Tekkon Kinkreet

2008-07-15T02:07:00.000-07:00

Wikipedia: Tekkon Kinkreet

OVERALL: 90
VISUAL: 97
STORY: 90
ACTING: 83
BETTER THAN: Tokyo Godfathers
NOT AS GOOD AS: Spirited Away
WAS MISSING: A less annoying English dubbing.
SEE IT FOR: An amazingly-fresh, hyper-detailed, overly-angled art style that harkens back to traditional penciled anime and doodled sketchbooks in the best of ways.

Eastern Promises

2008-07-15T01:37:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Eastern Promises

OVERALL: 92
VISUAL: 90
STORY: 91
ACTING: 94
BETTER THAN: Children of Men
NOT AS GOOD AS: A History of Violence
WAS MISSING: A warning before the brutal killings kick in.
SEE IT FOR: Tattoos and Viggo in a nude fight scene that rivals the one in Borat. The man fights harder than Daniel-san and has a heart that stays more golden than Pony Boy's.

Gymkata

2008-07-14T23:43:00.000-07:00

I'm about to get married. It's the tail end of my bachelor party. What would any respectable bunch of drunk men want to do to end the night? Well, watch Gymkata and play drinking games, of course!

One guy had to drink every time somebody got hurt. Another guy had to drink every time there was a gymnastic-related move. A third guy had to drink every time there was bad dialogue, and I had to drink every time there was a ninja. Needless to say, by the end of the movie, we might as well have all had IVs of Newcastle pumping through our veins!

You can either watch the movie as is, or read the back of the box to give it a pretty different meaning. My favorite part is where our young hero finds himself racing through the village of the crazies (how politically correct is that!?), and he finds himself surrounded by baddies. He is backed into the center of the town square where he finds a conveniently placed pommel horse. Olympic-inspired swift kicks ensue. God bless Gymkata.

IMDB: Gymkata

OVERALL: 80
VISUAL: 90
STORY: 92
ACTING: 59
BETTER THAN: Surviving the Game
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Condemned
WAS MISSING: A Russian judge giving Jonathan Cabot a 7.9 for his perfect dismount after each battle.
SEE IT FOR: The arms race in the fictional country of Parmestan! The only problem? You would never know that without reading the back of the box. The in-movie plot is all gymnastics, all ninjas, all the time. You can't get much better than this movie folks, especially for drinking games.

2008-07-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

FANTASY CASTS - If I were casting the movies...

G.I. Joe - FANTASY CAST

2008-07-14T02:43:00.001-07:00

If I were in control of casting the new live-action G.I. Joe movie, here is who would get to play the parts!

Duke played by Thomas Jane

Snake Eyes played by Jet Li

Storm Shadow played by Stephen Chow

Cobra Commander played by Gilbert Gottfried

Destro played by Vinnie Jones

Baroness played by Olivia Munn

Hawk played by Michael Biehn

Scarlett played by Laura Prepon

Flint played by Bruce Willis

Bazooka played by Vincent D'Onofrio

Lady Jaye played by Jessica Biel

Dr. Mindbender played by Billy Zane

Firefly played by Ken Leung

Quick Kick played by Tony Jaa

Jinx played by Ziyi Zhang

More coming soon!

10,000 B.C.

2008-07-14T02:16:00.000-07:00

IMDB: 10,000 B.C.

OVERALL: 69
VISUAL: 87
STORY: 54
ACTING: 66
BETTER THAN: Carnosaur
NOT AS GOOD AS: Jurassic Park
WAS MISSING: Any desire to root for the humans
SEE IT FOR: Mum-Rah, beautiful red sails and the bird from Hell that every pet owner should have.

Definitely, Maybe

2008-07-14T01:55:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Definitely, Maybe

OVERALL: 89
VISUAL: 91
STORY: 94
ACTING: 82
BETTER THAN: Alfie
NOT AS GOOD AS: Wimbledon
WAS MISSING: A kid you can root for. I mean, aren't there any other child actors out there other than Abigail Breslin?
SEE IT FOR: Klein's drunk. Weisz is at the top of her funny-looking-yet-hot game as an intelligent, quirky, strong tease. Sadly, Reynolds loses some appeal as soon as they take away his bite and replace it with schmarm... this coming from a big fan of his sharp humor.

The Benchwarmers

2008-07-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

IMDB: The Benchwarmers

OVERALL: 59
VISUAL: 64
STORY: 59
ACTING: 53
BETTER THAN: Ed
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Sandlot
WAS MISSING: The Benchwarmers trading card series.
SEE IT FOR: Rob Schneider playing the stud to everybody else's loser, but to do this you'll have to stomach Spade's monk-do and Napoleon's... well... certainly no dynamite here.

Fire & Ice

2008-07-10T05:28:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Fire & Ice

OVERALL: 78
VISUAL: 91
STORY: 75
ACTING: 69
BETTER THAN: Quest for Camelot
NOT AS GOOD AS: Heavy Metal
WAS MISSING: Clothes. I think everybody chose fashion over protection.
SEE IT FOR: Frazetta's artwork inspired this bad boy, so enjoy the battle sequences, women and warriors.

August Rush

2008-07-07T05:43:00.000-07:00

IMDB: August Rush

OVERALL: 91
VISUAL: 89
STORY: 94
ACTING: 90
BETTER THAN: School of Rock
NOT AS GOOD AS: I Know My First Name is Steven
WAS MISSING: Pie, but I guess not every movie can be Waitress. It also could've used a little more hardship for the runaway to add a stronger dose of reality and consequence, which would have made the triumphs that much sweeter.
SEE IT FOR: Russell picks back up the role of Felicity, Rhys Meyers sizzles on screen as well as on the mic, and they throw in some great guitar performances.

Nomad: The Warrior

2008-07-07T01:04:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Nomad: The Warrior

OVERALL: 75
VISUAL: 80
STORY: 74
ACTING: 70
BETTER THAN: Warriors of Heaven and Earth (Tian di ying xiong)
NOT AS GOOD AS: Gladiator
WAS MISSING: Originality. It has every epic movie cliche rolled into one Kazakh setting. You may actually think you are watching Gladiator if you doze off.
SEE IT FOR: Kuno Becker's smile. Really. Also, composer Siliotto makes a score that sounds eerily similar to Edelman's Dragonheart score, which isn't a bad thing!

Tears of the Sun

2008-07-07T00:06:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Tears of the Sun

OVERALL: 74
VISUAL: 74
STORY: 77
ACTING: 71
BETTER THAN: Men of War
NOT AS GOOD AS: Let's Get Harry
WAS MISSING: The hectic pace and sneaky tension of a rescue film should have. Director Fuqua's deliberate style didn't mesh well with the jungle violence.
SEE IT FOR: Monica Bellucci and Bruce Willis fans may enjoy, but not much for the rest of us... even the war fanatics.

Fade

2008-07-06T23:42:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Fade

OVERALL: 66
VISUAL: 57
STORY: 78
ACTING: 64
BETTER THAN: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare
NOT AS GOOD AS: Insomnia
WAS MISSING: Its identity. It didn't go far enough in the drama, horror or psychological department to really define itself.
SEE IT FOR: Despite some some bad acting, the scenes with the doctors discussing the insomnia condition are pretty interesting. Plus, it will make you feel like you've never *really* cried on the couch.

Flakes

2008-07-01T04:28:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Flakes

OVERALL: 81
VISUAL: 91
STORY: 83
ACTING: 69
BETTER THAN: Envy
NOT AS GOOD AS: You've Got Mail
WAS MISSING: More cereal and box art. Those visuals and scenes saved the movie.
SEE IT FOR: Zooey Deschanel is always a treat, and the opening credits are a cereal lovers dream.

The Korpis: The Movie (2008)

2008-06-26T02:52:00.000-07:00

This is the make-believe film based on my life and those in it! If you want on this list, feel free to send me a picture of yourself or let me know, and if you want off of this list, tell me so I can take you off. Enjoy!

Thomas played by Ryan Reynolds
Runners Up: John Krasinski, Scott Foley

Melissa K. played by Diane Krueger
Runner Up: Kristin Cavallari

Kevin K. played by Christian Bale
Runner Up: Paul Schneider

Shealynn played by Hilary Swank
Runner Up: Angelina Jolie

Cindy played by Drew Barrymore
Runner Up: Cameron Diaz

Kevin A. played by Kenneth Branagh
Runner Up: Michael Biehn

Tyler played by Josh Hutcherson

Cade played by Jonathan Lipnicki

Tate played by Freddie Highmore

Jenna played by Miley Cyrus (for Melissa!)

Wayne played by Michael Keaton
Runner Up: Viggo Mortensen

Rose played by Sela Ward
Runner Up: Ann Cusack

Tommy played by John Cho
Runner Up: Ken Leung

Leah M. played by Sienna Miller
Runner Up: Samaire Armstrong

Paul W. played by Nicolas Cage
Runner Up: Alan Rickman

Brenda played by Cate Blanchett
Runner Up: Meg Ryan

Matt W. played by Matthew McConaughey
Runner Up: Steve Zahn

Kendall played by Kate Hudson
Runner Up: Radha Mitchell

Nick played by Shia LaBeouf
Runner Up: Emile Hirsch

Earnest played by Ryan Gosling
Runner Up: Scott Caan

Lisa played by Elisha Cuthbert
Runner Up: Bryce Dallas Howard

Jody played by Ethan Embry

Tabecca played by Kerri Walsh

Andy played by Chad Michael Murray

Lindsey played by Laura Ramsey

Jeremy played by Jake Gyllenhaal
Runner Up: Balthazar Getty

Michelle D. played by Hayden Panettiere

Chris D. played by Colin Hanks

Jennifer M. played by Jenna Fischer

Matthew M. played by Tobey Maguire
Runner Up: Seth Rogen

Scott played by Ewan McGregor
Runner Up: Rob Rotten

Britney played by Evan Rachel Wood
Runner Up: Lori Petty

Melanie played by Kelly Osbourne

Phil played by Kevin Spacey

Ryan B. played by Scott Caan

Shannon played by Kirsten Dunst

Russ played by Heath Ledger

Ryan S. played by Mark Boone Junior

Chelsea played by Milla Jovovich
Runner Up: Amanda Peet

Jeff played by David Boreanaz

Sarah F. played by Alyson Hannigan

Daryl F. played by

Rachel J. played by Scarlett Johansson

Matt S. played by Zach Braff

Jennifer S. played by Jessica Biel

Colleen played by Sophia Bush

Will S. played by Jason Biggs

Stephanie S. played by Cecile De France

Jay C. played by Patrick Wilson

Carrie played by Kate Beckinsale

Judy played by Zooey Deschanel

Joey played by Mark Ruffalo

Rachel P. played by Ellen Page

Ryan K. played by James McAvoy

Caleb played by Jeremy Piven

Jennifer W. played by Alyssa Milano

Nikole played by Anne Hathaway

Grady played by Hayden Christensen

Sarah G. played by Rebecca Hall

Paul G. played by Breckin Meyer

Richard played by Edward Norton

Tausha played by Keri Russell

Chris played by Josh Hartnett

Trevor played by Paul Walker

Amber played by Maria Menounos

Heather B. played by Anna Faris

Mark B. played by Peter Sarsgaard
Runner Up: Sean William Scott (per Matt S.)

Noah W. played by Craig Slike

Heather W. played by Alison Lohman

Galia played by Megan Fox

Karla C. played by Kristin Kreuk

Zach C. played by Jensen Ackles (per Melissa!)

Jessica R. played by Mena Suvari

Zach R. played by Justin Long

The Grand

2008-06-26T02:14:00.000-07:00

The director of Incident at Loch Ness puts together another great mockumentary. He tells a brilliantly weaving tale of poker's oddball characters. Think Best in Show meets the World Poker Tour. They take several stereotypes from the math genius to the loudmouth. I wonder if Ted Forrest and Mike Matasou are getting royalties!

It was great to see lots of poker greats and all the celebrity cameos from the poker world. I would've liked to see them ribbed a bit for coming across in real life as such big wannabes, but it was fun treating the movie like Where's Waldo and trying to spot all the stars in their very small roles at times.

IMDB: The Grand

OVERALL: 92
VISUAL: 93
STORY: 92
ACTING: 90
BETTER THAN: Shade
NOT AS GOOD AS: Maverick
WAS MISSING: For all the celebrity poker players in the movie (playing "real" players), they didn't actually take shots at celebrities who desperately want to be serious poker players! And where is Barry Greenstein when you want him!?
SEE IT FOR: Ray Romano's fantasy football scenes are pure gold.

Lancelot of the Lake (Lancelot du Lac)

2008-06-26T01:39:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Lancelot of the Lake (Lancelot du Lac)

OVERALL: 87
VISUAL: 89
STORY: 92
ACTING: 81
BETTER THAN: Lancelot and Guinevere
NOT AS GOOD AS: First Knight
WAS MISSING: Any sense of passion or leadership from the King Arthur character.
SEE IT FOR: One of the best "Huh? Say it ain't so!" endings ever. Plus, one of the rawest portrayals of Guinevere as a young, naive girl who finds herself innocently torn between her distant sense of duty and her blossoming intrigue for passion.

10 Best Movies - Lists by Categories

2008-06-26T00:50:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Best Movies - Lists by Categories

Top 10 Best Medieval Movies (Non-Animated)

Top 10 Best Keira Knightley Movies
Top 10 Best Comic Book Movies
Top 10 Best Christian Bale Movies
Top 10 Best Sleep, Depression and Insomnia Movies
Top 10 Best Volleyball Movies
Top 10 Best Creepy Clown Movies
Top 10 Best Sports Movies
Top 10 Best Cycling, Running or Swimming Movies
Top 10 Best Football Movies
Top 10 Best Soccer Movies
Top 10 Best Baseball Movies
Top 10 Best - Sexiest and Hottest Movies
Top 10 Best Action Movies
Top 10 Best Romantic Comedy Movies
Top 10 Best Guilty Pleasure Movies
Top 10 Best Actors - My Favorites!
Top 10 Best Actresses - My Favorites!
Top 10 Best Animal or Pet Movies
More Coming Soon!

Jabberwocky

2008-06-25T23:45:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Jabberwocky

OVERALL: 73
VISUAL: 79
STORY: 69
ACTING: 72
BETTER THAN: Satan's Cheerleaders
NOT AS GOOD AS: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
WAS MISSING: John Cleese and gangs of medieval nuns.
SEE IT FOR: Slow-motion jousting and knights playing hide-and-seek. The movie ends with an impressive visual of the horned-helmet knight versus a great, giant Jabberwocky puppet monster.

In the Bedroom

2008-06-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

IMDB: In the Bedroom

OVERALL: 91
VISUAL: 89
STORY: 87
ACTING: 96
BETTER THAN: The Door in the Floor
NOT AS GOOD AS: My Life
WAS MISSING: A little more back story on the supporting characters, which would have been even more riveting if we could identify more with their flaws, causing even more confliction.
SEE IT FOR: Tom Wilkinson usually shines, but there is a chilling sincerity here, even when he's not saying a word.

The Professional (Leon)

2008-06-23T04:22:00.000-07:00

IMDB: The Professional (Leon)

OVERALL: 94
VISUAL: 93
STORY: 98
ACTING: 92
BETTER THAN: Assassins
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Matador
WAS MISSING: A prologue and an epilogue would've been very fulfilling, even if they were just DVD extras.
SEE IT FOR: Action, tragedy and a touching tale of love between a guardian and protege.

Trailer Park Boys: The Movie

2008-06-23T03:51:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Trailer Park Boys: The Movie

OVERALL: 92
VISUAL: 86
STORY: 96
ACTING: 93
BETTER THAN: The Big Lebowski
NOT AS GOOD AS: Raising Arizona
WAS MISSING: A cameo by Courtney Love as a white trash neighbor.
SEE IT FOR: The subtleties of this comedy are brilliant, from John Paul Tremblay having a mixed drink in his hand 100% of the time to Rob Wells' better-than-Bueller asides to the audience.

The Onion: The Movie

2008-06-23T03:31:00.000-07:00

IMDB: The Onion: The Movie

OVERALL: 76
VISUAL: 76
STORY: 85
ACTING: 66
BETTER THAN: Idiocracy
NOT AS GOOD AS: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
WAS MISSING: Better transitions between skits, and a lot was lost in translation from print to big screen. It just wasn't as fresh and the movie critic scenes were pure pain.
SEE IT FOR: The Cockpuncher would probably make more money than the Onion movie, and the Britney Spears spoofs sound like stuff that's actually on the radio today, which is their point.

Excalibur

2008-06-23T02:40:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Excalibur

OVERALL: 99
VISUAL: 100
STORY: 100
ACTING: 96
BETTER THAN: The Sword in the Stone
NOT AS GOOD AS: Braveheart
WAS MISSING: Not much. If I had to be picky, I'd say an original score that matched the greatness of the movie.
SEE IT FOR: One of Liam Neeson's first roles, as well as Orff's masterpiece Carmina Burana in its finest form. It's been used in so many movies since, but never has it been more inspiring and epic than Excalibur's scenes of the knights charging up over the misty hills on armored horseback.

Love Actually

2008-06-23T01:39:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Love Actually

OVERALL: 98
VISUAL: 97
STORY: 98
ACTING: 98
BETTER THAN: About a Boy
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Cutting Edge
WAS MISSING: More Keira. More Chiwetel. But it's spot on.
SEE IT FOR: The unbelievably stellar ensemble cast, especially for us Brit lovers out there.

Rambo (2008)

2008-06-22T01:25:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Rambo (2008)

OVERALL: 93
VISUAL: 99
STORY: 93
ACTING: 86
BETTER THAN: Missing in Action
NOT AS GOOD AS: Predator
WAS MISSING: A muddy waterfall and whites of the eyes, but that's probably for the best.
SEE IT FOR: Amazingly stylized visuals that rival 300's. Amazingly forceful bullet impacts that rival Saving Private Ryan's. Amazingly simple, stripped-down story that rightfully lets the visuals tell the story. It also has some of the hardest war scenes to watch when it involves the women and children. Rambo is a must-see for any fan of warfare or action.

Human Traffic

2008-06-22T00:23:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Human Traffic

OVERALL: 62
VISUAL: 51
STORY: 71
ACTING: 65
BETTER THAN: The Rules of Attraction
NOT AS GOOD AS: Trainspotting
WAS MISSING: Likable supporting cast. Originality.
SEE IT FOR: A pretty durned good record salesman.

3:10 to Yuma (2007)

2008-06-21T23:45:00.000-07:00

IMDB: 3:10 to Yuma (2007)

OVERALL: 97
VISUAL: 95
STORY: 98
ACTING: 97
BETTER THAN: Unforgiven
NOT AS GOOD AS: This is my new favorite western, so... nothing!
WAS MISSING: An alternate ending so all the haters could be happy, I suppose, but I'll take it as is.
SEE IT FOR: Bale and Crowe giving you some of the best goose bumps possible as the absurd courageously happens.

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (Boksuneun naui geot)

2008-06-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (Boksuneun naui geot)

OVERALL: 84
VISUAL: 70
STORY: 93
ACTING: 89
BETTER THAN: War
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Host (Gwoemul)
WAS MISSING: A few more upbeat scenes to offset the deliberately slow tension.
SEE IT FOR: A really funny Three's Company-esque sex through a wall scene. Oh, and the slow, chilling reality of the cost of retribution.

Teeth

2008-06-18T02:42:00.000-07:00

Bloody genitalia. If that's your thing, then this is the movie for you. The rest of the world? Let's just say this movie is more fulfilling as a teaser trailer than a full-length feature.

IMDB: Teeth

OVERALL: 78
VISUAL: 83
STORY: 73
ACTING: 77
BETTER THAN: Poison Ivy: The New Seduction
NOT AS GOOD AS: Basic Instinct
WAS MISSING: Bite. Imagination preying on your fears. Seriously... This was like "Signs" where the less they showed, the better off they'd have been. You get bloody crotches galore though.
SEE IT FOR: If you always wondered what happened to Reese Witherspoon's character in "Freeway" after the credits rolled and she grew a mutant, man-eating vagina. Yeah, I didn't think anybody was wondering that.

Braveheart

2008-06-18T01:55:00.000-07:00

I have tried to get my wife to watch this numerous times by telling her it is a love story. For me, it is! It is one of the saddest and most compelling love stories I've seen! Talk about a man driven by passion! Still, once his first wife leaves the film, my wife shuts off. I don't blame her... that's one of the toughest scenes to watch no matter how many times you've seen it, at least for those of us with a heart!

You get plenty of action and witty Mel Gibsonisms, and the score for the movie is one of the best I've ever heard. To this day, any time I am trying to get somebody to wait or hold on, I annoyingly yell "HOLD... HOLD... HOLD!" If you don't get that, watch the movie again! That is an extremely intense scene and the music and visuals perfectly build to a fulfilling climax!

The quotes you can take away from this movie are endless, and for my dollar, the betrayal, scheming and battlefield hijinx in Braveheart stand alone at the top of the drama heap.

IMDB: Braveheart

OVERALL: 99
VISUAL: 99
STORY: 100
ACTING: 97
BETTER THAN: Apocalypto
NOT AS GOOD AS: For the genre, this IS the best!
WAS MISSING: More camera time for the women so my wife believes it's a love story!
SEE IT FOR: It's a love story! Really! James Horner's score perfectly frames the passion and betrayal.

Top 10 Best Keira Knightley Movies

2008-06-13T05:49:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Best Keira Knightley Movies
Links will be added as the reviews go up! The list keeps growing!

Love Actually - 98
Bend It Like Beckham - 97
Pride & Prejudice - 96
Atonement - 94
King Arthur - 93
Domino - 89
The Jacket - 88
Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy -87
Princess of Thieves - 85
The Hole - 82
The Treasure Seekers - 75
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace - 72

Atonement

2008-06-13T05:27:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Atonement

OVERALL: 94
VISUAL: 93
STORY: 97
ACTING: 92
BETTER THAN: Pearl Harbor
NOT AS GOOD AS: Pride & Prejudice (2005)
WAS MISSING: Even more extravagant costume design. Yeah, I said it!
SEE IT FOR: The sadness, the passion, the beauty, the twists... they'll all move you. And that Keira gal ain't half bad in those roles. ;)

Wizards

2008-06-13T03:32:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Wizards

OVERALL: 82
VISUAL: 92
STORY: 85
ACTING: 70
BETTER THAN: Fire and Ice (1983 Animated)
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Lord of the Rings (1978 Animated)
WAS MISSING: Political correctness.
SEE IT FOR: Nazi-zombie wizards, "They shot Fritz!," and Peace, perhaps the coolest assassin ever to grace the movies.

Uptown Girls

2008-06-09T05:45:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Uptown Girls

OVERALL: 45
VISUAL: 65
STORY: 30
ACTING: 40
BETTER THAN: Kazaam
NOT AS GOOD AS: The Boy Who Could Fly
WAS MISSING: Fun nannies, cute kids, shenanigans and day trips, like the previews promised.
SEE IT FOR: Perhaps the worst job ever of marketing a movie. Not for kids. This is False Advertising 101.

Lars and the Real Girl

2008-06-09T05:36:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Lars and the Real Girl

OVERALL: 82
VISUAL: 75
STORY: 91
ACTING: 79
BETTER THAN: On Line
NOT AS GOOD AS: Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself
WAS MISSING: The disturbing, perverse edge of the main character, even if lighthearted.
SEE IT FOR: Gosling fans will enjoy, but it's Paul Schneider who keeps this one off life support.

Top 10 Best Medieval Movies (Non-Animated)

2008-06-09T04:54:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Best Medieval Movies (Non-Animated)
Links will be added as the reviews go up! The list keeps growing!

Braveheart - 99
Excalibur - 99
Lord of the Rings Trilogy - 98
Gladiator - 97
Flesh & Blood - 95
Ladyhawke - 94
King Arthur - 93
The 13th Warrior - 93
300 - 93
Camelot - 93
The Princess Bride - 92
Monty Python & The Holy Grail - 92
Henry V - 91
Dragonheart - 90
First Knight - 90
Brotherhood of the Wolf (Le pacte de loups) - 90
A Knight's Tale - 90
The Reckoning - 89
Timeline - 89
The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc - 88
Krull - 88
Robin Hood: Men In Tights - 87
Lancelot of the Lake - 87
The Highlander - 86
Conan The Barbarian - 85
The Three Musketeers - 85
Pathfinder - 83
The Last Legion - 83
Troy - 80
Willow - 80
The Man in the Iron Mask - 78
Beowulf (1999) - 77
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale - 76
The Viking Sagas - 75
Lancelot and Guinevere - 75
Kingdom of Heaven - 74
Alexander - 74
George & The Dragon - 73
Jabberwocky - 73
Black Knight - 73
A Kid in King Arthur's Court - 72
Attack of the Gryphon - 70

Dead Again

2008-06-09T04:44:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Dead Again

OVERALL: 94
VISUAL: 89
STORY: 95
ACTING: 97
BETTER THAN: The Fountain
NOT AS GOOD AS: For time-spanning suspense, this is the best!
WAS MISSING: Magic! Since they were future Trelawneys and Gilderoys!.
SEE IT FOR: Branagh and Thompson falling in and out of love as a great tale unfolds.

Delicatessen

2008-06-09T04:30:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Delicatessen

OVERALL: 89
VISUAL: 94
STORY: 84
ACTING: 90
BETTER THAN: Parents
NOT AS GOOD AS: The City of Lost Children
WAS MISSING: Likable characters for the underground rescue team. They tried, but failed.
SEE IT FOR: Dominique Pinon will make you fall in love with him. Entertaining and engaging.

Beowulf (Animated 2007)

2008-06-09T03:59:00.000-07:00

IMDB: Beowulf (Animated 2007)

OVERALL: 82
VISUAL: 95
STORY: 69
ACTING: 83
BETTER THAN: Beowulf and Grendel
NOT AS GOOD AS: The 13th Warrior
WAS MISSING: Pacing and suspense building to the great battles. The art of the tease.
SEE IT FOR: Amazing animation. Unreal battles that play out like video games. Also, I'm not a Jolie fan, but everybody in the world is raving about her part(s) in this movie.

2008-06-09T03:39:00.000-07:00

IMDB: American Gangster

OVERALL: 93
VISUAL: 90
STORY: 94
ACTING: 95
BETTER THAN: Hoffa
NOT AS GOOD AS: A History of Violence
WAS MISSING: The ultimate showdown of Denzel and Crowe in valiant fisticuffs.
SEE IT FOR: The ultimate showdown of Denzel and Crowe in stubborn, brilliant mind games.